Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
