I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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