Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
