Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
