Did you just see the Batmobile???
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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