Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
