Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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