Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
