so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
i think i just lost a toe
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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