I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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