The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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