This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
