Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Randomize
