i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
