I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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