How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
