Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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