I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
