i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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