Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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