you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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