Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
