I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
