and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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