sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
