so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
