We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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