Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
