you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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