ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
