he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
