you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
