Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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