Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
