He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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