Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
