Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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