I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
