wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.