it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.