you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.