I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.