I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina