i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
