ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
They took my balls.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
