I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
