Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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