when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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