okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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