Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
