I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
i think im in europe. pls send help
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
as a side note pls kill me
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
