Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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