we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
