at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
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Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
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I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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