problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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