i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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