How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
