Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
