i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
