i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
