Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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