I wanna passion pit in your ass
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
