dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
