One girl and one boy is just not enough.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
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So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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